*Originally written on 5.05.2011
The case is closed. The search is over. It ended yesterday after hearing my phone go off at 10:00 a.m. while I was in the shower. Tracy yelled, "Your brother *retracted* is calling!" I immediately knew what he was calling about. It was his package. He sent it on accident. He must not have changed the shipping address on his Amazon account after sending me a birthday gift a few weeks ago, I told myself. Tracy and I are dying of laughter.
The case is closed. The search is over. It ended yesterday after hearing my phone go off at 10:00 a.m. while I was in the shower. Tracy yelled, "Your brother *retracted* is calling!" I immediately knew what he was calling about. It was his package. He sent it on accident. He must not have changed the shipping address on his Amazon account after sending me a birthday gift a few weeks ago, I told myself. Tracy and I are dying of laughter.
I get out of the shower and check the voicemail. "Uh, ha, hey dude... Well, you might be receiving a few misaddressed packages from me in the next few days..."
I give him a call back, thinking he's totally pissed that I just blew up his spot on facebook. He hadn't seen the post. I haven't talked to him since.
I mean, it could've been worse. There are far more revealing and embarrassing things that could've been purchased on Amazon and accidently sent my way. Just by way of example, after a brief perusing of Amazon's latest deals, these purchases could've been way worse:
1. A discounted year-long subscription to "Good Housekeeping Magazine" - 81% off!
2. "Hard Bitten" - the new softcover vampire thriller romance novel by Chloe Neill.
3. Or Justin Beiber's "Never Say Never" DVD - in 3D and only $17.99.
With these in mind, a dry scalp ain't so bad.
Honestly though, I was really hoping this mystery would have continued for some time. I imagined myself devoting far too much of my time trying to solve it. Skipping class, meetings, and work just to figure out who this person is. Who was this person trying to keep me safe on the streets and keep my scalp from drying? As I told my brother, *retracted*, that when I was first dumbfounded by this package, I thought that maybe someone hacked into my account. Maybe this person got my info and started tearing through Amazon with my credit card. But then I had to scratch that idea, because why would this person then send the purchased items to my address?
After telling my brother this, he stopped me and said, wait, maybe that is all true. Maybe this person just happens to be the most thoughtful criminal on earth. Maybe he figured I could use the dandruff shampoo and bike lights? It's possible that this person figured that, ya know, the San Francisco weather is heating up all, maybe a moist scalp would really turn my month around? Give me a fresh perspective heading into finals. (The criminal knows this all about me b/c he has access to all of my info, remember). And maybe the bike lights would be a nice pick-me-up heading into the summer. He knows I will be working into the evening during the summer, and heaven-forbid I ride through Golden Gate Park on my way home without headlights. These lights do burn out quickly, ya know; quick turnover.
While I now have to go forth with the knowledge that this thoughtful criminal does not indeed exist, the thought of him or her has nonetheless helped me get through these last few days of the semester. One more final tomorrow, then freedom for a few weeks.
But what I really want is for the thoughtful criminal to be out there... somewhere.
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